www.BeyondPostpartum.com
Hello!
Welcome to BeyondPostpartum.com BLOG!
If you are struggling with having had a traumatic birth, I want to encourage you!
Some things you can control and some things you just can't. Live is SO unfair sometimes. It is just amazing that after such terrible, violating experiences that the sun would Dare to rise again day after day! I know a little how you feel. I was headed to a family reunion with my 6th child (after 5 fairly easy and Very Empowering vaginal births, 1 on the side of the highway and 3 at home) when...
I bled in Orlando baggage claim and "they" (a bunch of strangers) did an emergency c-sec the following evening due to baby not thriving (from a placenta that was too small). I, at least, had some hours to get used to the idea, if that is possible.
I had bad PPD. I still sometimes feel violated, and like a Borg or something. My scar is really fading, my stretch marks are more obvious than the scar is. My homebirth midwife said I can still have the next one at home. So, how has it really changed my life choices? I guess not much... I'm still not happy about it.
I so totally understand. It is grief. You have to grieve.
It has to do with what the experience means to You. To me, I was born c-sec and I had sworn to myself I'd NEVER let that happen to me.
Somehow, God seems to find a way to challenge those "vows". Childbirth was like a "high place" to me. Now I had utterly failed in a way that can never be undone.
That evening in Orlando, I ran to the bathroom to get away from the machines and staff, I prayed and clearly felt that "NO, Today is the Day". It was either obey what I truly felt God was taking me through or... well... die.
It was a death of a different kind. A death of self, "No greater love has any man (or woman) than this, to lay down their lives for their friends."
A death of who I defined myself to be. Maybe I idolized childbirth...
So few people understood, or even empathized. I was hurt over and over by well meaning friends. But, there were a few who comforted, who related in some way, even if it wasn't about birth.
Below are some resources that I have found helpful...
http://www.beyondpostpartum.com/
www.ican-online.org
In closing, let me say, it is a grieving process, and NO ONE (not a pastor, nor councilor, nor husband or nor friend) can tell you WHO you are, only You.
you DO matter !!!
This WILL pass!
The Pain WILL end... and life will bud again, it will be different, but it Will come. Someday, you will again be glad at a new sunrise.
Blessings,
Dana
Welcome to BeyondPostpartum.com BLOG!
If you are struggling with having had a traumatic birth, I want to encourage you!
Some things you can control and some things you just can't. Live is SO unfair sometimes. It is just amazing that after such terrible, violating experiences that the sun would Dare to rise again day after day! I know a little how you feel. I was headed to a family reunion with my 6th child (after 5 fairly easy and Very Empowering vaginal births, 1 on the side of the highway and 3 at home) when...
I bled in Orlando baggage claim and "they" (a bunch of strangers) did an emergency c-sec the following evening due to baby not thriving (from a placenta that was too small). I, at least, had some hours to get used to the idea, if that is possible.
I had bad PPD. I still sometimes feel violated, and like a Borg or something. My scar is really fading, my stretch marks are more obvious than the scar is. My homebirth midwife said I can still have the next one at home. So, how has it really changed my life choices? I guess not much... I'm still not happy about it.
I so totally understand. It is grief. You have to grieve.
It has to do with what the experience means to You. To me, I was born c-sec and I had sworn to myself I'd NEVER let that happen to me.
Somehow, God seems to find a way to challenge those "vows". Childbirth was like a "high place" to me. Now I had utterly failed in a way that can never be undone.
That evening in Orlando, I ran to the bathroom to get away from the machines and staff, I prayed and clearly felt that "NO, Today is the Day". It was either obey what I truly felt God was taking me through or... well... die.
It was a death of a different kind. A death of self, "No greater love has any man (or woman) than this, to lay down their lives for their friends."
A death of who I defined myself to be. Maybe I idolized childbirth...
So few people understood, or even empathized. I was hurt over and over by well meaning friends. But, there were a few who comforted, who related in some way, even if it wasn't about birth.
Below are some resources that I have found helpful...
http://www.beyondpostpartum.com/
www.ican-online.org
In closing, let me say, it is a grieving process, and NO ONE (not a pastor, nor councilor, nor husband or nor friend) can tell you WHO you are, only You.
you DO matter !!!
This WILL pass!
The Pain WILL end... and life will bud again, it will be different, but it Will come. Someday, you will again be glad at a new sunrise.
Blessings,
Dana
posted by Dana Walsh @ 11:04 PM
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